


tiny light

by kuroken_lovechild



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5+1 Things, An unhealthy amount of blushing, Cuddling, Fluff, Getting Together, Kissing, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild sickfic, Mutual Pining, Panic attacks for one chapter, Sharing a Bed, akaashi is thirsty, and an unhealthy amount of self projection, im living for the yukie and akaashi brotp, someone help akaashi he’s too gay to function
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23381929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuroken_lovechild/pseuds/kuroken_lovechild
Summary: five times bokuto and akaashi cuddled in their sleep, and the first time they actually did something about it.orhere’s akaashi hopelessly pining on his too bright, too attractive, and (as he soon finds out) too affectionate crush. not that he’s complaining.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji & Shirofuku Yukie, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Fukurodani Volleyball Club - Relationship, Minor Anahori Shuuichi/Onaga Wataru, Minor Shirofuku Yukie/Suzumeda Kaori
Comments: 79
Kudos: 680





	1. the night before nationals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please enjoy this mass of self-projection!! i love these boys can they just get it together

**prologue.**

The green circle beside Bokuto’s icon indicating his active status glowed like an invitation. 

Vision blurry from fighting sleep, Akaashi typed out a message at 3 in the morning: 

**3:01** _why are you awake, Bokuto-san?_

He got a reply almost instantly: 

**3:02** _cant fall asleep 😭😭😭_

_akaaaaaaashiiiiii_

He sighed softly at his captain’s reply. It wasn’t rare for Bokuto to exist as an excitable bundle of energy, even at ungodly hours of the morning.

_But still_ , he muses, _he’ll collapse tomorrow if he doesn’t get enough rest._

**3:04** _why not? it’s 3 am, shouldn’t you be tired from practice_

**3:06** _mmmmm yeah i guess i am but my mom’s out of town and i usually hug her while sleeping so i dont move as much and its just a thing weve done since i was young so_

_...oops was that too much_

**3:07** _just a bit, yeah_

**3:10** _maybe u should come over here akaashi so i can cuddle u instead_

_hahaha goodnight! （´◉◞⊖◟◉｀）/♡_

Throwing down his phone, Akaashi blinked up at the ceiling, heart pounding and face slowly heating up. He was wide awake now. _God, if only Bokuto-san wouldn’t say those things so casually._

He turned to his side and picked up his phone again, typing a reply with shaky fingers:

**3:14** _goodnight, Bokuto-san_

_***_

**i.**

Akaashi let his mind wander as he stood in line with Bokuto at the hotel their team was staying at. They had a long week ahead of them after emerging victorious from several preliminary matches and now reaching the Nationals. 

Their managers had suggested checking in a hotel for the duration of the competition to ensure that everyone could stay focused and in the right mindset. Naturally, Bokuto, enthusiastic and thrilled to spend more time with his team, had agreed immediately through mirthful laughter and a bright grin.

_Bokuto,_ Akaashi shook his head, cheeks dusting a light pink at the thought of his captain and closest friend’s genuine smile. It was then that he remembered a small detail about hotels—rooms. Sharing rooms, to be specific.

_Getting a room each would be too expensive, so sharing would be ideal, but who would even be paired together? Naturally, they might group Bokuto-san and me together as we’re captain and vice-captain but oh god fuck surely the world isn’t that cruel...I’ll take Anahori-kun or Komi-san or even fucking Konoha-san just let-_

He was interrupted by a heavy arm suddenly slinging across his shoulders and pulling him in. Akaashi noticed the key card pinched between two of Bokuto’s fingers and the spiker’s twinkling wide eyes as he spoke,

“Hey hey hey, Akaaaaashi! Looks like we’re rooming together for the week!” 

His heart simultaneously leapt with joy and sunk in despair at the prospect of rooming with Bokuto. Loud, overexcitable, energy-filled Bokuto. The same Bokuto who could probably bench press Akaashi like he weighed absolutely _nothing_ and whom he tries very hard not to stare at in the changing rooms. The Bokuto whose very presence made Akaashi feel ten pounds lighter and his brain melt into mush.

_Jesus God Almighty._

Schooling his face into one of passive neutrality, he calmly replied, “Alright, Bokuto-san.” 

They walked the hallway to their room in comfortable chatter, Bokuto’s energy filling the air as always. As they reached the door ( _Room 405_ . _Fuck you, universe_ ), Akaashi’s mind helpfully supplied, _This is it, your moment of truth._

Shaking his head again, he swiped the card and turned the doorknob to reveal—

Two beds. He sighed once in relief and another in disappointment before catching himself.

_You’re supposed to_ sleep _in the fucking room, you pervert, get your mind out of the gutter._

The room wasn’t huge, given the size of an average Tokyo building, with just two simple queen sized beds separated by a nightstand, a desk and chair in the corner, a small closet, and a narrow hallway leading to the bathroom. 

It wasn’t too spacious either, just the right size for two people of average height to stay in—in other words, it meant a lot of bumping shoulders and squeezing past furniture for Akaashi and his poor, gay heart.

He hadn’t realized it, but it was nearing midnight. They had gone out for dinner and to help their fellow teammates settle in their own rooms ( _stop wiggling your eyebrows and shut the_ fuck _up, Konoha-san,_ Akaashi cursed in his mind), which all in all had taken close to three hours, since the 3rd years had insisted on exploring the hotel.

Exhausted, Akaashi flopped down onto his bed after a fresh shower. He turned to his side, scrolling through his phone mindlessly while contemplating the next few days’ events. _Nationals…the 3rd years’ last year…_

_Bokuto-san’s last year._

He reflexively looked up when he heard the shower slow to a stop to see—

Bokuto. Shirtless. Hair down and dripping all over himself, the carpet, the towel wrapped around his hips as he dried himself. 

Back muscles flexing as he shrugged on a t-shirt and Akaashi’s mouth went dry. 

Without thinking, he let out a “Bokuto-san _what_ are you _doing_.” The boy in question turned around, looking at him questioningly with innocently wide eyes, and that towel still loosely tied around him and threatening to end Akaashi’s life. “Uh, putting on a shirt?” 

“U-um, I— _nevermind goodnight_ ,” he stammered and turned away as his face started to flare up. _Fuck my life._

A few minutes later, Bokuto had apparently finished changing as he clicked off the lights and not so silently climbed into bed. Akaashi’s heart continued pounding in his ears despite his efforts to just go the fuck to _sleep_.

They lay there in complete darkness for what felt like hours with only a sliver of moonlight shining in through the curtains, Akaashi unable to fall asleep.

_Is Bokuto-san still awake?_ he wondered before hearing the other boy call out softly.

“Akaashi, you nervous?” 

“Not really, we practiced hard.” _And you’re there, after all._

“Well, it _is_ my last Nationals in high school so I guess it’s a given I’d be more nervous than most, being the ace and captain too.” Bokuto paused for a few seconds. “But you’re gonna be there beside me, so it’s alright.” 

His words coupled with his quiet, unfiltered, and slightly rough with sleep voice made Akaashi’s heart skip a beat. He felt special, knowing he was the only one privileged enough to hear his thoughts like this. He turned to face Bokuto whom he found already staring right at him. 

“It’s late, you need to sleep. We have an important match tomorrow.” 

Releasing a heavy sigh, Bokuto turned to face the ceiling. “Wish I could, I can’t fall asleep tonight for some reason.” He opened his mouth as if wanting to say more, but then closed it immediately. 

Akaashi suddenly remembered a conversation from a few weeks prior, another time when Bokuto was unable to rest for the night:

**“3:04** _why not? it’s 3 am, shouldn’t you be tired from practice_

**3:06** _mmmmm yeah i guess i am but my mom’s out of town and i usually hug her while sleeping so i dont move as much and its just a thing weve done since i was young so”_

Akaashi took a deep breath to steel his nerves. “Bokuto-san, you usually...embrace your mother while you sleep, right?”

The white-haired boy perked up before settling back down again, “Mmm, I guess that’s part of why I can’t sleep. This place is too unfamiliar and cold a-and the bed’s slightly bigger than what I’m used to—“ 

Suddenly, Akaashi remembered another message from that same night.

“ **3:10** _maybe u should come over here akaashi so i can cuddle u instead”_

“Would you like me to go over there and help you?” 

_Oh god oh fuck I said it._

He saw Bokuto’s eyes go comically wide, blinking a few times before he grinned and chuckled lowly. Taking deep breaths, Akaashi closed his eyes to try to stop his face from burning, failing even more as he heard the other’s words.

“Awesome! Thanks, ‘kaashi, you’re the best!” 

Heart still racing like it was about to give out, Akaashi walked over to the empty side of the other bed where he was welcomed with open arms. He cautiously lay down and faced Bokuto’s softly smiling face.

_Staycalmstaycalmstay_ fucking _calm._

_I’m in Bokuto-san’s bed. Help me Lord._

“So, how would you like to do this, Bokuto-san?”

He answered the question wordlessly by flipping Akaashi over so he was facing the other way, slinging an arm over his slender torso and tangling their legs together.

“B-Bokuto-san—!”

He shivered as he heard a low voice in his ear, soft breaths against his nape and body pressed flush against him. “Is this alright?” 

Akaashi opened his mouth to speak, yet no words came out. He nodded and closed his eyes, desperately trying to relax. _He’s literally_ right there _, I could just-_

_No_ , he chided himself, painfully aware of Bokuto’s warmth against his back, _this is all just to help him rest and do better tomorrow. Deal with your stupid feelings after Nationals_.

He snuggled in closer trying to find a more comfortable position, Bokuto’s lips curving upwards against his skin the last thing he felt before drifting off to sleep. 

For now, he could enjoy this as much as he can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can’t believe i actually posted it ashdhdhdh 
> 
> next chapter is akaashi helping bokuto feel better after a nightmare! includes graduation and third year feelings and i may have cried multiple times writing it 
> 
> thank u for reading!!! <3


	2. finals week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> akaashi helps a dejected bokuto after a nightmare.

**ii.**

Weeks passed since the day they…cuddled in that hotel, Bokuto’s grip tight and warm and unrelenting even as Akaashi tried to get up the next morning.

And Akaashi’s brain wouldn’t stop replaying the moment.

The moment when Bokuto turned him over so effortlessly, when he felt their bare legs touch because _apparently_ his captain slept in _shorts_ , when he was pulled into Bokuto’s chest and felt his lips resting on the back of his neck.

From the desk in Bokuto’s room, Akaashi looked over at the other boy lying on his bed. It was the weekend and they were supposed to be studying for finals, but of course he had fallen asleep _again_. 

Sighing and standing up, Akaashi switched off the lights and sat beside Bokuto who was softly snoring away, one hand curled above the open textbook on his chest and the other resting beside him, palm open and facing the ceiling.

Through the years, he found that his common sense generally deteriorated around Bokuto’s presence, and that he tended to (unwisely) make decisions with his heart and ignore his head.

_What if I…_

Sneaking a glance at the sleeping boy’s face, Akaashi placed his own hand above the other’s open palm, curling his fingers slightly so they fit together like a puzzle. 

Suddenly, Bokuto stirred in his sleep, and Akaashi snatched his hand back as if he had been burned. 

Bokuto’s face continued to softly twitch as he rolled over to his side, facing the other boy. His hands were balled into fists and he clenched his teeth, occasionally chewing on his lower lip so hard it looked like it would bleed. 

Then all of a sudden, he seemed to deflate and go boneless, still breathing heavily and lips slightly quivering. 

Concerned, Akaashi leaned over and lightly shook his shoulder to wake him up. He noticed a tear slip from Bokuto’s eye, running down his nose and landing on his pillow. 

_Oh…oh no._

“Bokuto-san.” He shook the sleeping boy harder. “Bokuto-san, wake up.” 

Bokuto slowly cracked his eyes open and rubbed them, blinking at the wetness that appeared on his hand. 

“Akaashi….”

“Did you have a nightmare?”

Sniffling, Bokuto pulled the covers up to his nose, quickly turning the other way so Akaashi couldn’t see his face. 

He was undeterred, however. It would take a lot more for Akaashi to be lost with how to deal with Bokuto—he was _prepared_ for almost every incident. _Bokuto-san’s in dejected mode because of a nightmare._

_Step one, ask if he wants to talk about it. If yes, proceed to step two. If no, proceed to step three._

_Step two, comfort him and remind him that it’s not real._

_Step three, stay with him until he cheers up._

This would usually prove to be effective, but his traitorous brain decided to add another step. 

_Optional: hug him until he feels better._

Shaking his head, Akaashi inwardly reprimanded himself. _This is not the time for your fucking gay thoughts._

_But what if...?_

“Are you alright?” The other boy was still turned away, but Akaashi could tell he was sulking. “Look at me, Bokuto-san.” 

Bokuto refused to turn around, stuck in dejected mode, but Akaashi refused to leave him alone like this.

_Desperate times call for desperate measures._

He lifted up the blanket and slid under the covers, finding Bokuto’s fingers and squeezing them with his own. His hands were warm, yet smaller than his own, and Akaashi remembered all the times he was the one being comforted by Bokuto’s presence. 

He felt the other boy freeze for a second, before relaxing and finally turning to face Akaashi. His golden eyes now had a shadow cast over them, his normally grinning lips were twisted in a frown, and there was a crease in between his brows that Akaashi wanted to smoothen out. 

Yet Bokuto’s fingers were strong and firm as they gripped the hand in his, as if he were scared to let go. 

Like it usually does when they’re alone like this, Akaashi’s face contorted with emotion. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Bokuto’s frown deepened into what seemed like a pout. “You’re gonna laugh at me.” 

“You’re underestimating the number of things I’ve been through. Have I ever laughed at you?” Akaashi replied, his face straight but his eyes filled with warmth. 

Humming softly as he considered the question, Bokuto looked away from Akaashi’s intense stare, eyes flickering up, down, to the side, and everywhere but the dark blue pair boring holes into his soul. 

“I was just…thinking about graduation, I guess. It’s only a few weeks away, and I started thinking ‘bout what I’d do i-in college without ya there beside me. Guess I wasn’t really studying for finals. Heh, sorry, ‘kaashi.” Bokuto’s lips curved to one side in a sheepish grin. Despite everything, Akaashi’s heart skipped a beat.

“A-and when I fell asleep, I saw myself back on the center court. You should’ve seen it, it was so cool! It was us against ‘tachiyama and I just did this _insane_ line shot—“ Akaashi wondered if Bokuto was aware that his eyes started to sparkle as he spoke. He started to smile a bit himself hearing his captain ramble on.

“—and everyone started cheering for me even louder! Then I turned around to look for you so you could tell me how great I am and—“ he paused, biting down on his lip. “But suddenly you and the whole team were gone. I-I started yelling for you, or Saru, or Washio, or anyone from our team, but the only ones left were the other school’s players.

“E-even the cheers were gone and it was all silent, then Sakusa served all of a sudden and I was too surprised to move, ya know? So I started sulking a-and this time you weren’t even there to get me out of it—“ 

Akaashi wasn’t shocked. He could tell Bokuto felt antsy about graduating and leaving the team behind. They’d become his family—all their families—for the last few years. 

To be completely honest, he too had been dreading Bokuto leaving high school. He was his closest friend, they hung out together even outside practices, and he undoubtedly made their practices and games more exciting. 

He was the missing piece in Akaashi’s heart, and he couldn’t imagine an entire year of not seeing Bokuto in the club rooms, not calling “Bokuto-san!” and setting to him whenever he felt cornered. He couldn’t see himself not having to deal with Bokuto’s slumps while the other members watched in exasperation, not seeing him play at his best and sending him that trademark _Bokuto_ smile after a win.

There were days when Akaashi wasn’t feeling his best. Of course, he loved the club and he wanted to keep getting better, but there were those days when he felt that his only reason to go was to see his ace. Like his day was incomplete without seeing that white-haired boy with the eyes too wide and a body more jacked than a normal high schooler should ever be. 

He was the sun, and Akaashi never wanted to look away. 

“Hey, but now that I’m finally leaving, I guess you won’t have to put up with me anymore, huh?” 

Akaashi blinked as his internal reflection was interrupted by Bokuto suddenly smiling wide and turning to face the ceiling, but he could tell it wasn’t genuine. Bokuto rarely plastered on a fake smile; he only ever did when he was _really_ trying to convince himself to feel better. 

Bokuto’s words registered in his mind. _He thinks I’ll be_ happy _!? He thinks I don’t actively_ want _to deal with him everyday!?_

“Oi, do you really think I’d get tired of you?” Akaashi blurted out, glare piercing and tone flat. Bokuto snapped his gaze over to him.

“Do you really think we didn’t _want_ you on the team?”

“What—no, but—“

“Shut up, you’re our ace, aren’t you? How could you even think that we could’ve made it that far in Nationals without you there? Aren’t you the one other schools are terrified of when playing against us? Aren’t you the one who hypes up the whole stadium and racks up the most points when you’re at your best?! Didn’t you say the whole world was on your side!?”

_Aren’t you the only one to believe in and understand me completely?_

He hadn’t realized it himself, but Akaashi had begun slowly sitting up as he spoke. Bokuto, on the other hand, stared up at him open mouthed as his setter continued to praise him.

Well, it didn’t sound much like praise, but Bokuto knew him better. 

“And I don’t w-want you to leave either, but you better not seriously think things would change just because you graduated. Y—“

Akaashi suddenly stopped, blushing when he realized that he was rambling too much. He had only meant to correct how Bokuto thought he felt, and to reassure him that he wasn’t alone in fearing his graduation. 

He looked away and failed to notice how Bokuto’s eyes were shining. He stammered out, “Y-you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

For a while, Bokuto was silent. Akaashi slid back down so he too was facing up. His heart was racing too fast, and he tried calming himself down by taking deep breaths. 

Then all of a sudden, Bokuto turned and pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. Akaashi felt the air in his lungs shoot out of him as he landed on top of Bokuto, face buried in the crook of his neck. 

“Akaaaaashi……thank you.” Loosening his grip, Bokuto smiled down at him. It was genuine this time, and Akaashi couldn’t help but give a small smile back. 

“You’re welcome, Bokuto-san.” 

“Anyway, you’re sleeping over tonight! It’s too late to study and what kind of friend would I be if I let you go home at this time!?” 

Akaashi barely managed to nod before he was pulled down again, Bokuto’s breathing already slowing down as he went to sleep. 

He lifted his head to observe his sleeping captain’s face. He’d never seen Bokuto this close and this quiet. His whole face seemed to relax while he slept—eyes uncrinkling, mouth slightly open and not in a stupid smirk or a bright smile.

He also never realized how Bokuto’s bottom lip naturally stuck out a little so he seemed to be perpetually pouting. Akaashi wanted to kiss it.

Then he remembered Bokuto’s words right before passing out. 

_“What kind of friend would I be if I let you go home at this time!?_ ”

Right. Friend. He was just a friend to him, and nothing more. Akaashi sighed, laying his head back on Bokuto’s chest as he dared to dream. 

_Maybe one day…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cried—too much self projection in this one lads ! hope u enjoyed this very very very slightly angsts (does this even count as angst pls tell me if it does) and softer chapter 
> 
> thank u for the very nice comments last chap i literally screamed the whole time reading them :”) and thank u for reading again!! <33


	3. saturday morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> akaashi gets sick (no it’s not coronavirus). he’s still thirsty tho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i wonder if it’s like,,,insensitive to post this while coronavirus shit is going on but it’s pretty lighthearted and not like the world rn! 
> 
> /trigger warning for sicknesses i guess??

**iii.**

Akaashi doubled over, coughing into his hand. When his fit was over, he stood up and peered at himself in the bathroom mirror—eyes rimmed red, nose runny and skin pale.

_Fuck, I was supposed to meet Bokuto-san today._

His vision suddenly went blurry as his head started to pound. Steadying himself with one hand on the sink, he put his other hand to his forehead. _Ugghhhhhh._

_I’ll be fine after I take a short nap, won’t I? I still have a few hours until he comes over anyway._

Akaashi staggered over to his bed, weakly curling up and pulling the covers up to his chin.

 _Just…a few minutes…_   
  


_***_

He woke up to a pair of golden eyes staring at him worriedly from his bedside. Gasping, Akaashi tried to sit up and check his phone for the time. But his head pulsed and he fell back down in a fit of coughing.

“Akaashi, are you okay!?”

Wearily blinking the fatigue out of his eyes, Akaashi noticed the glass of water in his friend’s grip, as well as the bowl of soup and bottle of medicine on his bedside table. “Are…those for me?”

_Wow…Bokuto-san is really…thoughtful._

Suddenly a hand was on his forehead and Akaashi reflexively closed his eyes. 

_That…feels nice._

“Wh-wha—I, um—yeah, I offered to bring it up here! Your mom was so sweet and she kept thanking me, b-but anyway, how do you feel?” He turned and looked at Bokuto, whose face and neck were slowly reddening as he tried to voice out his concern. 

“I’m fine, my head hurts a little and I think I’m coughing slightly, but that’s all.”

_Okay, I lied, I feel like shit. But Bokuto-san starts frowning when he’s worried and he looks so much better when he’s smiling and—_

“Akaaaashiiii, how can I smile when you’re really pale and you look like you’re gonna pass out!?” Bokuto whined, ignoring how his heart rate was rapidly increasing as he listened to Akaashi spill his thoughts out.

Eyes widening, Akaashi glanced at his former captain’s concerned face again. _Wait, what the hell? Did I just say that out loud?_

He lay on his back and threw an arm over his eyes, groaning as his mind cleared for a second amidst the panic. _Fuck me and this fucking fever._

Bokuto gasped, hands flying to Akaashi’s neck, throwing off his arm and cupping his face in both hands. “Are you okay, Akaashi!? Did your head start hurting more!? I think you got hotter!” 

He was frantic as the Akaashi stared up at him, heart racing and face indeed heating up, but definitely not from the fever. 

“B-Bokuto-san, I—“ he shut his eyes and groaned again as his head started to feel like it was splitting open. 

Bokuto opened his mouth to reply, but he was cut off by Akaashi apologizing. “I’m sorry, we were supposed to buy those volleyball shoes you wanted today. This just…came out of nowhere.” 

“Heeey, you don’t need to say sorry for being sick, Akaashi! We can go out and buy my stuff when you’re well again, so hurry up and rest so you can get better faster!” 

Bokuto winked and grinned as he said, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of ya!” and Akaashi very nearly combusted. 

_Oh my god I’m too weak to take this right now._

But at the same time, a voice in the very back of his mind whispered _Fuck yessssss._

He cursed out loud at his own disloyal brain, and Bokuto, anxious as he was, began to panic once again. 

“Akaashiiiii, it’s raining outside right now! Why aren’t you wearing more layers!? Aren’t you cold!?” 

In his mind, Akaashi repeatedly told himself, _don’t you dare say it._

However, what came out of his mouth was a simple “Yes, Bokuto-san.” 

_You’re not even that cold, you asshole._

Bokuto ran around, switching off the lights and trying to find more blankets, sweaters and layers to put on Akaashi. When he still thought it to be not enough, he got under the covers himself, wrapping the sick boy in his warmth. 

“Bokuto—stop, you’re gonna get sick too—! 

He smirked at Akaashi’s heated face. “Don’t worry ‘bout me! My immune system’s pretty good and I haven’t gotten sick in years!”

Then Bokuto leaned down to whisper in his ear. “And this way, you’re more comfortable, aren’t you?” 

Akaashi shivered, closing his eyes at their proximity and Bokuto’s low voice. He felt it, instead of merely hearing, resonate throughout his entire body, causing the back of his neck to tingle and chills to run down his spine. 

Bokuto continued talking, so close to Akaashi that his lips would brush the shell of his ear if he leaned forward just a few millimeters. 

“Did you stay up late again the past few weeks? I know it’s almost your exams, but please don't overwork yourself, Akaashi. You might break down or get sick again.” 

Akaashi felt a heat coil in his stomach. He exhaled hard, trying to ignore the way goosebumps broke out all across his arms.

_If his voice gets any lower it would be a whisper._

“Could you promise me that you’ll rest and take breaks from now on? Please…Keiji?” Bokuto leaned in very slightly, closing the gap and resting his lips on Akaashi’s ear as he mumbled his given name. 

_...fuuucckkkk me._

“What?” Bokuto’s voice suddenly turned innocent again, as if he wasn’t just practically murdering Akaashi a few seconds ago.

In his delirious state, both from the fever and from his own…hormones, Akaashi hadn’t registered Bokuto’s question and that he’d begun speaking his thoughts aloud again.

_If getting sick means I get you in my bed for a whole night, I don’t think I’ll stop then._

Pulling back and biting his lip, Bokuto worriedly felt Akaashi’s temperature again, despite how his own face grew warmer and his heart nearly jumped out of his chest.

“Hey, hey, are you really alright? I think you need to go back to sleep again—goodnight, sweet dreams!” He gently pushed the back of Akaashi’s head towards his own chest.

Akaashi didn’t protest—he couldn’t, not after burying his face into Bokuto’s chest and being engulfed by his warmth. _If I die like this, that’s enough for me._

His mind a whirl and his eyes already closing, he barely registered how a hand was softly stroking his hair and how Bokuto’s heart was racing underneath his palm. He subconsciously leaned in closer. 

“Mmm, thank you, Bokuto-san. Good night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BOKUAKA DAY I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THESE TWO IDIOTS IN BED
> 
> ngl was super scared to write/post this bc it’s ,, spicier than anything I’m used to writing HAHA but anyways thank u for reading
> 
> im never gonna write smut fucc that shit


	4. friday night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bokuto being akaashi’s emotional support in the middle of the night.
> 
> //trigger warning for anxiety and panic attacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the anime/manga showing akaashi being bokuto’s emotional support is top tier content but the other way around is GOD tier

_“I know it’s almost your exams, but please don't overwork yourself, Akaashi.”_

_“Could you promise me that you’ll rest and take breaks from now on?”_

Eyes glued to his screen at 2 in the morning, Akaashi offhandedly remembered Bokuto’s words, whispered in his ear, from when he was sick. 

_Oops...sorry, Bokuto-san,_ he thought as he checked the time. He’d been studying for 7 hours straight in preparation for his finals as a third year. 

To be fair, he _had_ taken breaks, but those were spent watching volleyball matches of possible opponents. 

The bright laptop screen glared at him even though its brightness was already set to the lowest. A lamp shone harshly beside it, white light illuminating several open textbooks, his notebook, random test papers scattered about his desk. 

Aside from the lamp, the rest of his room was completely dark as Bokuto was currently passed out on the bed again. _For some reason, this feels familiar._

They’d been casually visiting each other’s places recently, with Bokuto in college and with more control over his whereabouts. 

They would play video games, watch movies, or talk about anything that happened to them when the other wasn’t around. Akaashi would talk about the Fukurodani volleyball club’s new members; they worked hard and were dedicated, and he was quite fond of them. Bokuto would tell stories of college and his new team, occasionally slipping in comments about how “Akaashi’s tosses are still the best though!” 

Akaashi would smile, mumbling a “Thank you, Bokuto-san” and the two would make eye contact for a second.

Cue the both of them blushing and their hearts beating faster and faster before they’d quickly look away, leaning back against the headboard and continuing their conversation as if nothing had happened—

_What the fuck—why am I thinking about that now?_

Stealing a glance at Bokuto sprawled on his bed and snoring away, Akaashi shook his head to clear his thoughts. Right now, the only thing he had to do was _work because finals are next week, and you’re not exactly_ acing _your subjects, are you, Akaashi Keiji?_

 _Wouldn’t it be just_ shameful _if the captain of a powerhouse school’s volleyball team failed his classes?_

_How could you ever proudly call yourself a reliable setter if you can’t even balance your academics and club activities—_

He checked the time on his phone. It was 2:30 AM now. 

He pushed his thoughts to the back of his mind; it was like being forced to clean his room. He was tossing any piece of dirty laundry and scattered clutter into a tiny, overflowing closet, the explosion only being held back by two creaking doors. 

Akaashi had no _time_ for this. He’d wrapped a roll of masking tape around the bulging closet of intrusive thoughts, holding them there for the time being.

As he always does.

He focused his attention on the pieces of paper strewn about his desk—old test papers, worksheets, and essays that he _knows_ could have been better. 

As he read through his past mistakes, lingering slightly longer at his teachers’ corrections, he couldn’t help but wonder, _Why didn’t I think of that?_

His first test on Monday was Japanese Literature, a subject he actually quite liked, to be honest. It was one of his best subjects as he enjoyed analyzing the author’s intentions, symbolisms, real-world connections, learning about the life of a person so different from himself, yet seeing unexpected similarities between them. 

His next agenda of the night: _analyze various meaningful quotes from several famous works._

For the next couple minutes, the room was silent aside from Bokuto’s snoring and Akaashi fidgeting with his laptop’s keyboard as he read. 

He read through quotes and historical backgrounds, jotting down his assumptions and evidence and forming conclusions for each one.

  * _“When the flesh is weary, the spirit too gives up; and somewhere within the body a sense of indifference takes root.”_ _—Dazai_ _Osamu_



Akaashi’s mind whirled, trying to remember Dazai-sensei’s life story and experiences. 

  * _“From then on, my thesis hung over me like a curse, and with bloodshot eyes, I worked like a madman.” —Natsume Sōseki_



He threw his head back, staring at the ceiling, thoughts of _What does it mean?_ and _What is he trying to tell the reader?_ dangling in his head. His hand moved like a machine as he scribbled on a sheet of paper.

  * _“A person, who no matter how desperate the situation, gives others hope, is a true leader.” —Daisaku Ikeda_



An image of Bokuto suddenly flashed before his eyes, and he sat up straight again, rubbing his palms against his face. _Focus, Akaashi._

He read through the once-blank papers he had just filled up with his notes and analyses, critiquing his work as objectively as possible. Three sheets were completely filled from back to back with enough words that Akaashi could write his own book. 

_Might as well take a break from studying before moving on,_ he mused, reaching for his phone to watch and assess more practice matches.

But in his tired state, and without the demands of literature to distract him, he let the closet doors open just a crack, and a Thought slipped out. 

**_Are you good enough though?_ **

Akaashi stilled. His face remained blank, the complete opposite of the oncoming storm in his mind. He could _feel_ the doors threatening to burst, hanging on by that flimsy strip of tape as he pushed against them with all his might. 

It was physically exhausting. He could feel his chest tightening, breaths getting heavier, muscles tensing up and starting to shake.

The lamp on his desk seemed to glare brighter every second, and Akaashi felt his vision blur. He rapidly blinked away tears that threatened to fall before closing his eyes, pressing his palms against them.

Words and phrases were quickly escaping from the half-open closet, Akaashi found himself powerless to stop them. 

**_Not good enough._ **

_Stop it stop it stop it—_

**_Your fault._ **

_Stopitstopitstopitstopit—_

**_If only you were smarter, a better captain, more talented, more inspiring, more likable, more like Bokuto-san—_ **

_Stop!!!_

Akaashi jolted, eyes wide and staring at his trembling hands. 

_SMACK!_

The sound echoed across the room as he slapped himself. His right cheek red and stinging, he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

He desperately reached out to grasp his phone again, but instead felt his hand being gently tugged away.

He felt his chair turn and his body pulled into the _warmest_ , _softest_ hug he’d ever experienced in his life. Without thinking—he _couldn’t_ think, his mind had disconnected from his soul—he leaned forward and left his chair to join Bokuto kneeling in front of him on the floor. 

One of Bokuto’s arms slid from Akaashi’s waist to the back of his head, caressing it and gently guiding it towards his shoulder.

Akaashi stayed stiff as a board, trying to control his expression as it was the one thing he could do right now. His facial muscles strained with the effort of _not falling apart_ in Bokuto’s arms.

“Hey, you don’t have to hide anything from me.” 

Hearing those words, spoken so kindly and like Bokuto _understood_ , Akaashi felt the closet doors holding himself back shatter into pieces. What was left of his control snapped and the intrusive thoughts spilled out, threatening to flood his mind, and he went boneless in Bokuto’s warm grip. Akaashi hid his face in Bokuto’s shoulder, quietly sobbing as he clutched onto the back of his shirt like a lifeline.

Bokuto stayed silent for a while, petting Akaashi’s hair with the _softest_ of touches and keeping one arm secure around his waist. Suddenly, Akaashi gasped as he felt himself being lifted off the ground and into Bokuto’s strong arms as he was carried to his bed.

_No, I can’t—_

“W-wait, Bokuto-san, I need to—“ 

Bokuto looked at him, and Akaashi’s breath hitched at how intense and full of depth his eyes were, despite having just woken up. They were glowing, piercing straight into Akaashi’s soul yet soft at the same time as he said, “No, I won’t let you overwork yourself again.” 

He set Akaashi down in the middle of his bed, before getting in beside him so they were facing each other. He stared into Akaashi’s damp eyes. 

“I care about you too much to let you hurt yourself like that.” Bokuto brought a hand up to Akaashi red, tear-stained cheek, cupping his face and wiping away the wetness that lingered. His eyes grew softer as Akaashi’s grew darker. “I’m sorry…it's happening again, isn’t it?”

Akaashi jerked his head in a nod, a choked noise suddenly escaping his throat as he buried his face into Bokuto’s chest. Bokuto continued to comfort him, petting his head and rubbing his back, whispering soothing words into his hair. 

“You’re gonna be okay,” he mumbled as he buried his fingers into Akaashi’s hair. He began gently massaging his head. “I’m here.” 

“I-I’m sorry. I woke you up, didn’t I?” Akaashi said in the tiniest of voices, and Bokuto felt his heart squeeze.

“Shhh, shhh. It’s okay.” He cooed into Akaashi’s ear. “Hey, you’re never gonna be a burden to me, alright?”

Akaashi stayed silent, his grip around Bokuto’s torso tightening.

“I can listen if you wanna talk about it.” 

Akaashi shook his head slightly, managing to choke out, “T-thank you, Bokuto-san, b-but I can’t—not tonight…” 

He hesitated for a second before his voice shrunk even more. “C-can we just stay like this for a while…?”

He sounded so vulnerable and fragile and so unlike the usual hardened mask Akaashi often wore around anyone, including himself. 

Bokuto found himself thinking that he’d like to do this more—keeping Akaashi safe in his arms, shielding him from any outside harm. Akaashi had always been cheering him up, doing everything he could to bring Bokuto out of his depressive moods. A wave of protectiveness washed over him and his heart swelled.

Because he understood. He understood that Akaashi wasn’t the cold-hearted blank wall that many people see him as, that he has emotions that he’d rather not feel, so he chose to repress and lock them away instead.

He understood how Akaashi’s thoughts overwhelmed him, despite desperately trying to be in control; how Akaashi had such a strong sense of duty that led to him always seeking to fill a role, to be perfectly reliable and reliably perfect.

He understood feeling regret, anxiety, inadequacy—and he knew that in his heart, Akaashi didn’t really _want_ to be alone. 

And Bokuto understood that he didn’t feel like talking about it, so he hummed and pressed his lips to the top of Akaashi’s head. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Akaashi sniffled as he closed his eyes, relaxing in Bokuto’s arms that were practically his safety blanket at this point. 

“Oh, and um, I just-just want you to know...I think you’re already perfect—as Akaashi. My Akaashi. 

Akaashi heard the muttered words trail off from above him, and fresh tears sprung from his eyes. He’d never felt so warm and complete with another person before. He’d never trusted someone like he trusted his loyal, caring, incredibly _kind_ best friend. 

Bokuto let him cry into his shirt until the sun rose, softly stroking his hair and lightly pressing kisses onto his temple, until Akaashi finally dozed off with a hint of a smile lingering on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly.....I don’t know if this counts as a panic attack since I just wrote something that happens to me sometimes for akaashi’s breakdown scene but i,,,hope it was somewhat accurate and realistic at least
> 
> my tumblr if you wanna be friends! (always looking for people to chat with and recommend fics to but sorry in advance im really bad at replying) : kuroken-lovechild


	5. college days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fukurodani vbc sleepover and shenanigans !! akaashi discovers new things, both about himself and about his former teammates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goddamn this ended up being WAY longer than I expected,,,enjoy 4.6k of fukurodani goofing around!!
> 
> konoha saru and komi or as I call them, the Third Year Trio, are the matsuhana of fukurodani .

**v.**

Akaashi stared in a mix of both horror and awe at the group chat that Bokuto just made.

_Bokuto Koutarou added you and several others to the group._

_Bokuto Koutarou named the group OWL-FFICIAL FUKURODANI VBC SLEEPOVER 🦉._

He checked the group’s members—everyone from his second year was there, including his _beloved_ (read: irritating) senpais and precious kouhais.

A message popped up from one of his former teammates. 

**_Sarukui Yamato:  
_** _ohohoho whats this???????_

 **_Konoha Akinori:  
_** _INTERESTING_

 **_Bokuto Koutarou:  
_** _HEY HEY HEYYY DID YOU ALL MISS ME_

 **_Akaashi Keiji:  
_** _I see you every week, Bokuto-san._

**_Komi Haruki:_ **

_👀 👀 👀 did you two finally get it together or-_

Akaashi blushed hard at the obvious implication, sighing and hoping Bokuto was too dense to understand. 

**_Akaashi Keiji:  
_** _no, Komi-san, and please shut up._

 **_Komi Haruki:  
_** _damn,,,_ **_@Sarukui Yamato @Konoha Akinori_ ** _i owe u guys 50 i guess_

 **_Bokuto Koutarou:  
_** _huh???  
_ _BUT ANYWAY IM SURE YOU ALL MISSED ME  
_ _I MISSED YOU TOO MY LITTLE OWLETS (o˘◡˘o)  
_ _so i decided…… WE SHOULD HAVE A SLEEPOVER!! ＼(≧▽≦)／  
_ _a mini fukurodani vbc get together now that even akaashi graduated!_

 **_Konoha Akinori:  
_** _i like the sound of this  
_ _will there be games 👀  
_ **_@Akaashi Keiji_ **

**_Sarukui Yamato:  
_** _what kind of games 👀  
_ **_@Akaashi Keiji_ **

**_Komi Haruki:  
_** _this sleepover better be interesting 👀  
_ **_@Akaashi Keiji_ **

**_Akaashi Keiji:  
_** _Anahori-kun and Onaga-kun are still in high school, keep it pg  
_ _and why are you tagging me, this wasn’t my idea  
_ _ask Bokuto-san_

Suddenly, Akaashi’s phone buzzed as he got a private message. 

_From: Bokuto-san <3 _

**_12:01_ ** _akaaaaaasshhiiiiiiii  
_ _im super super sorry to ask but i rlly gotta run to class and i can’t text them the details  
_ _would u mind messaging them for me it’s at my apartment  
_ _and u can pick the time and date  
_ _thank u so much ill do anything u want_ _(*_ _)人 <3 _

He sighed in fond exasperation. He knew in the back of his mind that something like this would eventually happen, that he would end up cleaning up after Bokuto’s crazy ideas. 

_Well, you could always_ refuse _Bokuto-san’s requests, you know?_

He closed his eyes and breathed in slowly, hand curling into a fist. Akaashi held more annoyance for his own brain than for any person he’d ever met.

_This is the life you signed up for when you gave your heart away 3 years ago, idiot._

Going back to the group chat, he typed out a message with the sleepover’s details. 

**_Akaashi Keiji:  
_** ** _When_ ** _: 6:00 pm, this Saturday (is everyone free? thumbs down this message if you can’t attend)  
_ ** _Where_ ** _: Bokuto-san’s apartment. Address: xxxxxxxxxxx  
_ _Bring your own futon, pajamas, pillows, blankets, and personal items. Also bring snacks and money if you want._

 **_Konoha Akinori:  
_** _THANK YOU VICE CAPTAIN-SAMA! reliable as ever i see ╰(▔∀▔)╯_

 **_Suzumeda Kaori:_ ** _  
__thanks akaashi-san! yukie and i will be there!_

 **_Washio Tatsuki:  
_** _*thumbs up*_

 **_Komi Haruki:  
_** _oho? what happened to “not my idea” huh akaashi?????_

 **_Sarukui Yamato:  
_** _don’t worry akaashi-kun, we’ll make sure to prepare games and entertainment for the day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

**_Akaashi Keiji:_**

**_@Komi Haruki_ ** _Bokuto-san merely asked me to send the details as he has to attend class right now. it’s still not my idea  
_ _…thank you_ **_@Sarukui Yamato_ ** _-san_

Akaashi felt a migraine coming on at the thought of this sleepover. 

He didn’t want this, he didn’t want to see Bokuto spilling all his secrets in a round of Truth or Dare, to _possibly_ be locked in a small dark closet with him for Seven Minutes in Heaven, to hear Bokuto’s loud unrestrained laughter as they swapped stories and reminisced back to the innocent nostalgia of High School. He didn’t want this, he told himself—

Okay, maybe he kind of wanted this. 

_And seeing the team again is a plus too, I guess._

But his thoughts were quickly ( _and thankfully)_ interrupted by another vibration from his phone.

 **_Anahori Shuuichi_ ** _:  
_ _wait akaashi-senpai, are you the one planning this? i thought it was bokuto-san whoops my bad_

Akaashi slammed his forehead into the nearest wall, instantly regretting it as his head started to _really_ pound. He could practically hear the Third Year Trio laughing at him through the screen.

_I’m an exhausted freshman in college, give me a break._

_It’s just one night. Get through one night. Have motherfucking patience Akaashi Keiji._

***

Akaashi quietly sat at the foot of Bokuto’s bed, head just barely brushing the mattress’s edge, holding a bowl of chips in his lap as boisterous laughter echoed around the room.

The bedroom looked like a mess, with everyone’s futons on one side of the room and the other side cluttered with half empty cups (that were definitely spiked with _something_ ), soda bottles, pizza boxes, and takeout sushi containers. 

They made the perfect picture of _tired college students,_ Akaashi thought as his eyes swept through the room. Sarukui was sprawled out in the middle, back flat and limbs spread apart against the cold hardwood floor. Konoha lay with his stomach on Saruikui’s legs, chin resting in his palms, and Komi towered ( _for once,_ Akaashi stifled a smirk) above the two as he sat on Konoha’s back. 

Yukie and Kaori sat huddled against a blanket beside the closet, Yukie’s back against the taller girl’s chest as she spoke and gestured wildly. 

_They’re practically cuddling._

Overall, everyone seemed to be relaxed. Even the usually stoic Washio who rarely spoke except to offer bits of encouragement sported a small smile as he refilled his cup. Anahori and Onaga chatted amongst themselves in the corner, being the only ones left in High School.

Yukie was recounting an incident that had happened in her university’s volleyball practice. Apparently, it was so _bizarre_ and _hilarious_ and Akaashi _swore_ he was listening, but Bokuto was lying on the bed right above him, occasionally reaching down to grab a chip, and his hand kept “accidentally” brushing across Akaashi’s neck in the process.

Akaashi tried to focus and pay attention to what was actually happening around him, but his mind kept going back to all the times he lay under the covers.

With Bokuto.

His low voice in his ears and hot breath against his skin.

Strong arms wrapped tight around his torso, Akaashi trying to _subtly_ get in closer and sap more of Bokuto’s warmth. 

Whether Akaashi was comforting him or being comforted instead—he didn’t care. He was so very _comfortable_ every time, and whenever he lay in bed he wished the other boy were in there beside him again—

 _Nope nope nope, stop that train of thought, Akaashi, he’s literally_ right above _you._

He blinked a few times, snapping out of his thoughts and refocusing on the conversation around him, when he felt a sudden weight on his head.

Bokuto had moved forward and rested his chin on the crown of Akaashi’s head, tilting his face down so their eyes met. His arms loosely hung over Akaashi’s shoulders as he played with his own fingers.

In the corner of his eye, Akaashi didn’t miss how some of his former teammates exchanged eye contact, smirking as if they could read his innermost thoughts, and he would have sighed if not for the breathless, tight, choking, yet somewhat pleasant feeling in his lungs. 

“Akaashi!!! D’you remember that concert we watched last week? Can I tell them about it? Should I tell them about it? What do you think, Akaashi?” Bokuto said too loudly too close to Akaashi’s ear, and all thoughts of his _soft, low_ voice flew out the window. 

_Well, at least that took care of one problem._ “If you want to, Bokuto-san.” 

Despite his heartbeat ringing in his ears at their proximity, he did his best to listen to Bokuto’s words. But Bokuto turned his face and pressed his cheek onto Akaashi’s head, waving his arm around as he spoke. One of his arms stayed in place, and Akaashi subconsciously leaned into the contact as he relived the memory. 

Akaashi vividly remembered that day. How could he not, when Bokuto had slung his arm across his shoulder again, but had raised up _Akaashi’s_ arm, waving it to the beat of the music? 

How could he ever forget, when Bokuto smiled at him like he was sunshine incarnate before turning back to the stage, oblivious of how Akaashi’s insides had turned to butterflies? 

Bokuto held out his phone to show everyone a selfie he had taken while Akaashi was unaware.

He had his trademark blinding smile on and head tilted to one side. Akaashi was facing the ground, eyes closed and lips curled slightly upwards.

Yeah, he remembered that moment. It was right after Bokuto put his arm around him. He had ducked his head to escape his searing eye contact and to avoid blushing and smiling too wide. _That would’ve been_ **_painfully_ ** _obvious._

God, he was so whipped for this boy.

Unfortunately, their friends somehow knew this too and refused to let him go, even as Akaashi felt his eyes grow wider and his cheeks darken ever so slightly.

Konoha leapt up, ignoring a loudly protesting Komi who’d fallen to the ground with a heavy _thud_ , snatching the phone from Bokuto’s grip.

“Damn, Akaashi-kun, you look like you’re _really_ having fun! Was the concert thaaaaaat good?” He grinned, a teasing lilt to his voice as he showed everyone the picture.

Akaashi hurriedly made his face as blank as possible (which wasn’t that different from his previous expression). “Not necessarily, I’ve attended several other shows that were just as or equally as enjoyable,” he denied.

“What’s this smile on your face then?” Somehow, Konoha had morphed his expression into the perfect Lenny face. He slithered over and sat next to Akaashi, nudging his side and whispering loud enough for the whole room to hear, “Or did you just like having Bokuto’s arm wrapped around you, huh?”

Akaashi’s eyes widened, and he harshly shoved Konoha away on impulse. The other boy fell to the floor laughing and clutching his stomach. 

Meanwhile, Akaashi was going through a crisis—his heart raced and his face burned as his mind raced with thoughts of _Oh my god did Bokuto-san hear that of course he did he’s so near what the fuck what the_ fuck _okay he’s not_ wrong _but did Asshole-Konoha-san have to expose me like that?!_

He covered half his face with one hand as everyone in the room roared with laughter and wolf whistles. 

Well, all except one.

“Heyyyyy, stop teasing Akaashi!!” Bokuto whined, pouting at their friends who were wiping away tears at Akaashi’s reaction.

“Man, I gotta say, it’s so much easier to get a reaction out of Akaashi-kun now. I remember back in high school when he’d brush everything off with a nod before walking away!” 

Bokuto didn’t seem to hear the remark. He rolled off the bed, kneeling beside Akaashi. He leaned in, staring at him _painfully_ close with too innocent eyes. “You okay there, ‘kaashi? You gonna stay in there for a while?”

Akaashi quickly composed himself. “No, I’m fine, Bokuto-san. Konoha-san was just fucking around, _right_?” He punctuated his last word with a subtle glare aimed at Konoha, whose grin only grew wider.

“Yeah, Akinori here was only kidding! Don’t worry, we’d never do anything to embarrass you, _Bokuto-san_!” Komi piped up from his spot on the floor, his voice deceptively light and friendly as he sported the same shit-eating grin. 

_But you have no problem at all embarrassing me, don’t you?_

All of a sudden, Akaashi felt the warmth emanating from his side grow as Bokuto sat down next to him. Crossing his arms behind his head, he leaned back against his own bed, eyes unfocused in thought. 

_It’s getting late, isn’t it_ , Akaashi thought to himself. The group had been talking and catching up for what felt like minutes, but had probably been hours. He checked the time on his phone— _11 PM._

Turning to Anahori and Onaga, he asked the youngest of the bunch, “Don’t you two need to go to bed? You might have homework or things to study for tomorrow.” 

Immediately after, cries rung out across the room.

“Aw, come on, Akaashi! Don’t be such a party pooper!”

“The night is young, Akaashi-kun, and besides, who studies on a Saturday?”

“Yukie, just because you never studied until the day before the exam doesn’t mean other people should do the same.”

“Hey, remember when we were third years and my sleep schedule was already so fucked up? Yeah, good times.”

“Akaashi-kun really was the team mom.” 

“AGHAAAASHIIII! Relax for a moment!” Akaashi felt a rough hand ruffling his hair as Bokuto laughed beside him. He just wanted to keep the attention off himself, _goddamn_ it _._ “Hey hey hey, why don’t we play a game?!”

_Well that backfired._

And he wasn’t about to admit that he wanted the sleeping portion of the night to come quicker so he could potentially cuddle with Bokuto in bed again, he _wasn’t._

He saw the Third Year Trio exchange a look. Sarukui reached out, snatching up a bottle of vodka on the floor and draining it of its contents in under 5 seconds.

Konoha grabbed the now-empty bottle and announced, “It ain’t a sleepover if we actually get to sleep, my dudes. So—we propose we play the ultimate obligatory sleepover game, the all-time classic, fan favorite, Truth or Dare!”

The previous third years whooped and cheered as Konoha lay the bottle down on the floor. They moved closer to form a circle around it, close enough for everyone to reach and spin the bottle.

 _Oh dear god,_ Akaashi thought. He heard Bokuto yelling (again) in excitement and felt him pulling his arm, dragging him to the circle with a “C’mon Akaashi, it’ll be fun!” In his peripheral, he noticed Anahori with a glint in his eye and was he…was he smirking? Akaashi saw his supposedly shy, timid underclassman push poor, wide-eyed Onaga into the circle. 

He focused on the center of the ring, with Bokuto with one knee propped up on his right side and Komi on his left. Konoha spun the bottle and it whirled around, a blur of tinted glass until it started to slow down, the object becoming clearer and clearer and Akaashi held his breath when it passed him until it finally stopped at—

Bokuto.

Akaashi breathed a sigh of relief as Bokuto excitedly yelled “DARE!”. The room buzzed with whispers as the Trio discussed amongst themselves the perfect dare to give their loud, overly energetic friend. 

Bokuto impatiently waited beside him, and Akaashi allowed himself a small smile. He started to relax, melting into the fun, stress-free atmosphere until Saru’s gaze snapped to him.

 _Oh no._ Akaashi felt his heart rate increase as Saru opened his mouth to give Bokuto his dare. 

“I— _We_ dare you to…finish two bottles of this in a minute.” He twisted open and held out two bottles of Soju to Bokuto then grinned, his gaze never leaving Akaashi’s blank face for even a second.

Saru’s expression seemed to say “ _Oh, just wait for it, Akaashi Keiji.”_ Even though Bokuto’s dare wasn’t necessarily aimed at him, Akaashi knew he wasn’t done being embarrassed for the night, judging by the mischievous light in Saru’s eyes and the matching grins of the other two beside him. 

“Eh? That’s it? You made me wait for two minutes just for that?” Bokuto grabbed the bottles, tilted his head back, and poured the clear liquid into his open mouth. Akaashi watched as his throat contracted and his Adam's apple bobbed every time he swallowed.

Thirty seconds later, Bokuto had slammed the empty bottles down on the floor, eyes squeezed shut as the whole room once again erupted in cheers. “Akaashi, didja see that?! I’m the best, aren’t I?!” he yelled, punching this air with his fists. 

Akaashi managed a nod and a quirk of the lips at Bokuto’s dramatics before the bottle was spinning again. Ten pairs of eyes trained on the glass as it skidded to a stop. 

The night went on this way: the third years (with the exception of Washio) _screeching_ whenever the bottle landed on someone, somebody being forced to reveal a secret or do an outrageous dare with varying degrees of embarrassment, boisterous laughter yet zero judgment echoing throughout the room. 

Somehow, Akaashi learned more about his old teammates than he ever did in the past three years. 

For instance, he learned just how devious his friends could be—excluding the expected Third Year Trio’s behavior. He watched as Bokuto dared Washio to bleach his hair right there and then so their hairstyles could match, and Washio ( _God bless his soul, he actually did it. Where did he even get the materials,_ Akaashi wondered) returned 30 minutes later with hair the colour of mustard sticking out in every direction.

He watched everyone absolutely _die_ from laughter when Anahori dared Yukie to give a lap dance to her person of choice, then being dared the exact same thing right back in the next round.

And, he learned that somehow, without any of them noticing, the current captain and vice captain of Fukurodani’s volleyball club had been dating this entire time, and Akaashi’d never felt more shocked and proud of his kouhais in his life. 

He watched with abject horror as halfway through the game, the bottle slowed to a stop and landed—unwaveringly—on him. 

“Oho, Akaashi! This’s the first time it’s landed on you. Whaddya choose?” Komi remarked, turning his head to grin at him.

Akaashi inhaled slowly. He could feel Bokuto’s eyes on the side of his face as he considered his decision. 

_I know they’re planning to make fun of me again. If I choose dare, they could make me do some embarrassing thing in front of—or even to Bokuto-san. However, if I choose truth, they could force me to reveal my pathetic crush on him and he’ll have to reject me in front of everyone and I’ll have to pretend like everything’s fine. Both are bad, but which would lead to worse consequences? Based on the possible long term effects on me and Bokuto-san’s relationship, the latter seems worse, so I should—_

“Dare,” he said, and promptly regretted it as Komi’s grin widened.

“Call Bokuto by his given name for the next 24 hours.” 

Akaashi heard snickers and one wolf whistle directed at him as he let out an exhale. He didn’t understand what the big deal was, surely calling Bokuto-san by his given name would be fine, given how close they were, right? “Okay,” he said, turning to spin the bottle.

But he could feel a pair of eyes searing into his skin. He glanced at his right. Bokuto was laying on the floor with his head leaning on his propped up hand, tilted just enough for his slightly damp 1-AM-hair to fall in his wide eyes, his lips curled and sliding up one side of his face as he searched Akaashi’s expression. 

Akaashi looked at him, asking a silent question of confusion with a slight arch of his brow. Bokuto blinked, replying (too loudly) “Hey, Akaashi, if you’re too embarrassed to call me by my given name—“ 

The other boy tilted his head as his confusion only grew. “Why would I be embarrassed by that, Bokuto-sa—I mean, K-Koutarou-san?” 

Bokuto’s face stretched out in a wide grin, his eyes crinkling as he let out a little laugh. Wow, he really liked how Akaashi said his name! It sounded all smooth and soft and his best friend’s lips looked even prettier when rounded around the vowels of his name. 

“My name sounds so much nicer when you say it, Akaashi!!! Can you call me that all the time from now on?” 

_What the-what the fuck?! How can he just_ say _things like that?? Without warning??_

Akaashi’s eyes were wide as Bokuto continued to beam at him like a blinding ray of sunlight straight into his heart. Then he noticed something.

Was that—a blush?! It was faint but…was Bokuto actually blushing because of him?! 

_No, it’s obviously the alcohol he drank earlier. Stop giving yourself false hope, Akaashi._ He internally shook his head to snap out of his thoughts. 

Oh right, he was waiting for an answer.

 _“_ Just for the next 24 hours, Koutarou-san.” 

_I can’t have Bokuto reacting like that every time I say his name, I’ll die! What did he mean when he said it sounds better when I say it? That doesn’t even make sense?_

While Akaashi had his fifth crisis of the night, Bokuto watched him closely. He could tell Akaashi was embarrassed, maybe even…shy? He didn’t know why though, so he took a guess and tried his best to remedy the situation.

He gazed at him, wondering. “I dunno if it’ll help, but it makes you feel better, I could call you Keiji instead too? So you won’t be the only one talking differently!” 

Akaashi grew bright red at his friend’s use of his given name. _Why am I getting affected by this? He’s literally just saying my name…my given name that no one uses and oh god it sounds so good out of his mouth and I’m a horrible person I should tell him not to—_

“Hey lovebirds! Not to interrupt your shameless flirting, but the bottle stopped moving five minutes ago.” 

Shock and panic evident on his face, Akaashi whirled around to see the smug faces of their friends who’d been eavesdropping on their conversation for the last five minutes. His gaze landed on the bottle, pointed straight at the unaware, dumbstruck Bokuto. 

Everyone was staring, whispering and undoubtedly laughing at how blatant Akaashi was when it came to Bokuto. And Akaashi should probably have been freaking out more, except he’d gotten used to it way back in High School. He cleared his throat, clearing his face again and casting his eyes downward. “Koutarou-san, I believe it’s your turn to choose now.” 

Bokuto blinked, then sat up and brought a finger to his chin in thought, seemingly unaffected by their previous staring contest and conversation. But the faint blush remained high on his cheekbones that was _definitely_ not from the booze. 

Akaashi suddenly yawned as he realized how exhausted he was from this emotional rollercoaster of a night. He picked up his cup, half-full with some unknown liquid but was probably alcohol, and took a few gulps to wake him up. 

“Keiji, you tired?” Akaashi choked on his drink at Bokuto’s sudden use of his name. He came up sputtering and coughing and he wiped his mouth on his shirt, hiding his blush in the process. “I’m fine, Koutarou-san,” he mumbled into the wet fabric. 

Bokuto didn’t seem to notice. “Aaah, everyone okay if we call it quits after this? Gimme a real good dare to end it!” 

Akaashi decided not to reiterate that he could still keep going. As much as he didn’t want to admit it out loud, he was enjoying the night with their friends and former teammates, and _god not everything’s about you, Akaashi, what if Bokuto’s really just tired already, god._

The rest seemed to agree though and they thought of a final dare to give Bokuto to end the night. Konoha, Komi and Sarukui blinked at each other before the shortest one promptly passed out and the other two burst into slightly subdued laughter. Kaori yawned against Yukie’s back as she leaned her forehead on her shoulder, muttering inaudible words to keep herself awake.

Seeing the exhausted, half-drunk and probably sleep deprived teenagers scattered around the room, Akaashi thought of giving Bokuto a dare himself so they could all go to bed. He began brainstorming, only to be interrupted by Washio’s voice.

“I dare Bokuto-san to sleep in the same bed as Akaashi-kun tonight.” 

Well, that certainly woke everyone up. They stared at the silent Washio who had stayed stony-faced the entire time, finishing his hundredth drink of the night and staring back at them. Akaashi glanced at Bokuto from the corner of his eye to find him wide-eyed and his eyebrows up to his hairline.

Then Bokuto’s eyes, half-lidded from drowsiness, slid over to him and Akaashi’s brain instantly replayed all his fantasies. 

He immediately flared up. “Nope, sorry, I refuse, Koutarou-san has his own bed and I have mine. Goodnight.” 

“Awwww, c’mon, Akaashi-kun! Just do it, it’s the perfect way to end this, ya know?” came Yukie’s taunting remark, and Akaashi was just about to firmly assert that _No, he will not be peer pressured into doing something for others’ enjoyment, he has_ boundaries _for Christ’s sake,_ when he felt an arm around his shoulder.

“If Akaashi doesn’t wanna do it, then I won’t force him to! But oi, Washio, what have you been hiding from us this whole time, huh?!” Bokuto grinned and the room chuckled. Akaashi felt a surge of gratitude for the boy and his heart swelled up. He looked away, unable to prevent his smile. 

Bokuto stood up and stretched, yawning as he said, “Well, that was fun! Anyone can take the bed if they want to, I don’t mind.” But after garbled sleepy protests of _it’s your bed, Bokuto, we don’t want to intrude_ , he collapsed onto his gold and black sheets. 

Switching off the lights, Akaashi followed suit as the rest of the members tucked themselves in their respective futons. Konoha called out a goodnight before the room went silent, save for Komi’s snoring. 

Akaashi lay in the darkness, facing the ceiling once again. He was _exhausted_ , his body had ceased following any instructions from his brain and his eyes were half closed, yet he just couldn’t quite get himself to shut off. 

He tossed and turned, trying to find a more comfortable spot. Around him, the quiet atmosphere was pierced only by the soft ticking of the clock Akaashi was so used to after staying over in Bokuto’s room so many times. 

He looked around at the peaceful, occasionally wide open and drooling faces of his friends. Clearly, they had no trouble falling asleep, in an unfamiliar place nonetheless, so why couldn’t he? 

Granted, he’d always slept on Bokuto’s bed, under Bokuto’s sheets, in Bokuto’s arms, surrounded by Bokuto’s scent whenever he stayed over. He’d grown accustomed to it, which might have been a bad idea now that he couldn’t stay anywhere else. _Is Bokuto-san still awake?_ he wondered.

Akaashi snuck a glance at the silver-haired boy to find him staring up at the ceiling as well. He seemed to have sensed Akaashi’s eyes on him and he turned to face him, eyes tired and lips curled upwards. 

On instinct, he smiled back, then his heart skipped a beat when Bokuto motioned wordlessly for Akaashi to join him in his bed. _But everyone will see us tomorrow morning—oh hell, I’m not getting any sleep if I stay here anyway. I’ll just wake up earlier than everyone else and move back to my spot before they wake up._

Against his better judgment, Akaashi silently walked to the vacant spot on the double bed, feeling as convinced and relieved as he could with the weak excuse his tired brain had come up with. He slid under the sheets and faced the larger boy.

“Hey,” Bokuto whispered. 

“Hi,” Akaashi whispered back.

“Can’t sleep?” 

“Yeah. You too?” 

“Mhm,” Bokuto hummed in agreement, even as he yawned and showed how much he wanted to just pass out. 

“You should go to sleep now, Koutarou-san. It’s late.” 

Bokuto managed a tired grin as his eyes half closed on their own. “Yeah, goodnight Keiji.” His hands slid up Akaashi’s back as he pulled him in, nuzzling into his neck until all Akaashi could feel were soft, warm puffs of air against his skin. 

Akaashi tangled their legs together and leaned in closer. He could already feel himself relaxing, limbs not as stiff and feeling infinitely warmer than before. He teetered on the cusp of sleep for a few seconds, before his eyes closed as he pressed his mouth to the top of Bokuto’s head and left it there. 

Yeah, he’ll deal with everything else in the morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to my amazing friend for being my beta and giving such detailed suggestions i love her!!
> 
> Hmmm I’m kinda thinking of changing the fic’s title since I kind of just rushed it and wrote the first thing I thought of....what do y’all think i should do HAHA pls comment if you have any suggestions they are greatly appreciated !! 
> 
> Also, one scene in here was inspired by a thai drama im currently obsessed with called 2gether the series, it’s so good and cute please check it out on the official youtube channel!!! 
> 
> hmu and comment if u find the reference ;) stay safe everyone!


	6. beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when bokuto and akaashi wind up together in bed again, but not quite like the usual. and suddenly the past four years of pining were worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS THE END!!! I’m quite very sad that it’s over now I loved writing about these two idiots and imagining everything they went through, but I think they deserve a good end :) 
> 
> also! Now that it’s completed, I changed the title to “tiny light”, from the jibaku shounen hanako-kun ed. check the end notes for the reason!!

**vi.**

Akaashi awoke with his head resting on something way too warm to be a pillow. He groggily blinked his eyes open, squinting at the light streaming in through the window. 

Suddenly, he remembered the previous night’s events and the fact that  _ all their friends could see him and Bokuto together. In bed. Ohhhh fuck.  _

He immediately snapped to alertness and tried to sit up to check if everyone was still asleep. He pushed himself up only to be trapped by a heavy arm across his chest and a leg draped over his hip. 

_ I’m so gross…taking advantage of Bokuto-san while he’s asleep. Such a bad friend.  _

He craned his neck instead to peer at the futons on the floor—and found them empty. 

His heart stopped. He reached around and felt for his phone, eyes bugging when he saw the time.  _ 1:24 PM? Where’s everyone else?! Did they see us?! _

Panicking, he sent a quick message to Konoha.

**1:24** _Konoha-san did you all leave why didn’t you wake us up_

**1:24** _LMAOOOO relax akaashi we’re just chillin in his living room!! u guys looked so comfortable and we didnt want to disturb ;)_

His eyes widened so much they looked like they would burst from their sockets.  _ God, oh my god, they’re going to be so unbearable and obvious and I’m gonna blush like an idiot again and Bokuto-san will finally connect the dots and find out I like him—please don’t have a picture you can use for blackmail. _

His phone pinged with a message from Yukie.

**1:25** [image sent] _ 🤭   
_ _ don’t worry i won’t send this to anyone :)   
_ _ but really you guys are perfect together why aren’t you dating yet  _

He sighed.  _ Of course.  _

**1:26** _……….I appreciate it, but it’s not that easy, Yukie-san_

**1:26** _cmon what’s the deal?? you obviously like him, he obviously likes you, you two care about and bring out the best of each other more than anyone else  
__so what’s stopping you?_

Akaashi couldn’t believe what he was reading. Bokuto liked him? Liked  _ him?  _ There was no way Bokuto Koutarou, who already had a growing fan base in his second year of college, liked  _ him,  _ plain, mediocre Akaashi Keiji. Sure, they spent a lot of time together, but that’s just what best friends did, right? Bokuto didn’t have an inexplicable ache to be around Akaashi all the time. He didn’t fantasize about spending the rest of his life by Akaashi’s side, cheering him on and supporting him through everything.

Bokuto didn’t want to  _ kiss _ him, right? 

Yukie must be delusional, and Akaashi had half a mind to tell her that.

**1:30** _Bokuto-san doesn’t like me that way._

**1:31** _holy shit  
__oh…oh babe im so sorry  
__im so sorry none of us realized just how dense u actuslly are im SO sorry akaashi-kun  
__of COURSE he doesn’t like you he TOTALLY doesn’t stare at you like you hung the fucking stars when you aren’t looking and he absolutely does NOT keep talking about you whenever you aren’t in the room  
__damn i thought with how observant u are on the court u would’ve noticed by now_

Akaashi furrowed his brow.  _ Huh? What the hell is she talking about?  _

**1:33** _If he really actually does that why doesn’t he just tell me then_. 

**1:33** _akaashi keiji listen to me if you’re scared of confessing cuz you think it’ll ruin your friendship  
__what you have with bo is untouchable and even if he didn’t like you like that he’d never feel uncomfortable or see you any differently  
__NO shut up i can tell what you’re thinking and that you’re about to protest  
__don’t u fucking DARE think bo doesn’t love and care about you so much and only wants you to be happy  
__bo’s probably scared too, but he’s def more worried that if he confesses and u say no you’ll be guilty for the rest of ur life  
__OR say yes to appease him when u don’t actually want to and then you’ll be stuck in a situation u don’t wanna be in  
__which honestly isn’t really that unfounded lmao you and your sense of duty and all that  
__but none of us can really really assure him... it’ll be meaningless coming from us outsiders  
___so it has to be YOU akaashi-kun!!  
_well u don’t have to listen to me but pls just take some time to think about it  
___good luck we’re all rooting for you!✌🏼 <3

Well, that was…a ride. Akaashi didn’t bother replying as he set his phone down, his head swimming with his former manager’s words. 

_ Bokuto-san? Liking me back? _

His face flushed at the thought and he was suddenly aware—again—of him and Bokuto’s proximity. 

Bokuto should be waking up soon if his fluttering eyelids were a telling sign. Akaashi turned to face him, quietly staring at his peaceful expression. Bokuto’s features looked somewhat rounder in his sleep, hard angles and lines softened by the stillness. 

With how much he glowed and stood out on the court, it was easy to forget that Bokuto was just a normal boy barely into adulthood. Even with how much time they spent together, Akaashi tended to forget, so he tried to appreciate their moments of vulnerability like these as much as he could before the other boy woke up. 

_ What she said  _ is _ plausible. If Bokuto-san actually liked me, I would believe her reason for him not confessing.  _

_ But then again, it’s still just her reasoning. How would she even know all that unless she’s making it all up or unless—Bokuto-san told her?  _

_ If he told her that—no, it’s not possible. I must have praised him more than usual that day, or maybe he got drunk and started spouting nonsense again.  _

_ Yeah, he’d never like me. He’s seen all of me, after all. _

He sighed, cutting his train of thought when Bokuto’s face scrunched together and he slowly opened his eyes. 

“Good morning, Koutarou-san. How did you sleep?”

Bokuto squinted at him before his gaze cleared and his face lit up.

“GOOD MORNING, KEIJI!” He released his hold on Akaashi and sat up, stretching and already full of energy.

“It’s late, and the rest are waiting outside…we should get up soon.” 

Bokuto looked around as if he’d just remembered that other people had been in the room with them. Smirking, he said, “Aw, but I’d rather stay here with you, Keiji.” 

Akaashi cleared his throat, fighting a blush that threatened to appear. But before he could say anything, Bokuto laughed and rolled off the bed. Akaashi exasperatedly followed him through the bedroom door to find eight hungover teenagers sprawled across the room.

Komi spotted them first. “Mooooorning, Bo, Akaashi-kun! Did you two…have fun last night?” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. 

Hanging upside down over the back of Bokuto’s couch, Konoha grinned at them, “Oya oya, couldn’t wait until another night when we  _ aren’t _ in the room? So  _ dirty _ , Akaa—!” 

He was cut off by Yukie slapping his head and he scrambled for purchase, nearly losing his balance and toppling to the floor. He rubbed the back of his head as he sat back down on the sofa, grumbling about violent lesbians and abuse. 

“Hey, Akaashi-san, you looked  _ really _ comfortable last night, more than I’ve ever seen you! Was it the bed? Or did you like sleeping with Bokuto-senpai that much?” Anahori spoke up, voice deceptively innocent. He had his back turned to them but he was clearly fighting a smile.

_ What the hell, what did being captain do to him?  _ Akaashi only gaped at his former kouhai as his brain tried to come up with a believable excuse.

_ I need to come up with a believable lie, something to make the situation seem out of my control and inevitable, or for the greater good. A lie so good they won’t question me further. _

He cleared his throat. “It’s not like that. I merely…tried to prevent Koutarou-san from moving around too much while asleep. Everyone would have gotten hurt if he accidentally rolled out of bed and landed on top of everyone.” 

There was a beat of silence before Yukie burst out laughing and the rest followed. “You know, Akaashi, I tried to help you, I really did,” she looked at him knowingly, “but that’s bullshit and you know it.” 

Akaashi sighed, giving up and moving to the kitchen to make his daily cup of coffee, black and bitter and strong—perfect for drowning his emotions!

As he poured water into the coffee filter, he heard Konoha yell at him from the other room. “Well, if you won’t admit it, I’ll just ask Bokuto then!” 

Their conversation was loud enough for Akaashi to overhear. Clearly, it was meant for him despite not being the addressee. He heard Konoha ask, “So, Bo, how did you feel having Akaashi with you while you slept?” 

Akaashi shook his head, going back to preparing his coffee.  _ Bokuto-san probably doesn't know I can hear everything they’re saying, so he’s bound to tell the truth. He’ll probably say it didn’t really make a difference. He’s affectionate towards everyone anyway.  _

He heard Bokuto laugh, then hum as he thought about it. _ It’s not that hard, just admit it so I can stop hoping and move on quicker.  _ Then he heard Bokuto’s answer. 

“I felt really happy!!” 

_ What?!  _

Akaashi nearly dropped his mug as he tried to process Bokuto’s words. His eyes were as wide as saucers and he didn’t realize that he’d begun smiling until Yukie walked into the kitchen and pointed it out. 

He immediately turned away, clearing his face of any emotion although a smile kept creeping onto his lips. He didn’t bother trying to deny his way out again, his senpai already knew everything from their messages earlier. 

“You know, Akaashi-kun, the others and I were talking while you and Bo were asleep this morning.” 

Akaashi nodded. That…was to be expected, why was she telling him?

“Those of us in the same year as Bo all agreed, we hadn’t seen him smile this wide before you joined the club and grew closer to him.” 

He blinked at her, willing down any happiness and hope that threatened to fill his chest. He replied, “That’s not true, I saw him playing on TV when I was in middle school and he smiled the same then.” 

Yukie merely laughed and shook her head. She leaned on the counter with hands folded underneath her chin. “That’s different, Bokuto’s always—well, not always, but  _ usually _ excited about volleyball, I’m sure you know.” 

“But did y’know that when we were first years, he’d have to sit out the rest of the game whenever he went into dejected mode? He’d sulk for a whole day and maybe even a few days after that. The senpais couldn’t take it—well, nobody could take it, until you came along.” 

Akaashi stared in silence, hiding his face behind his coffee mug. He didn’t know what to say; should he be  _ thanking _ her for this knowledge? Or perhaps he should ask her for advice? 

Frankly, Akaashi’s brain was tired from all the information he’d been given and from thinking too much about it. He simply offered a small smile instead as Yukie reached out to ruffle his hair. 

“So, I suppose I should thank you on behalf of the idiots, Kaori-chan, and myself for being patient with Bo! We’ve always just wanted him to be happy, and we know he’s really happy whenever you’re around.” She beamed at him before turning around to walk away. 

However, she stopped at the doorway, twisting her head to look at Akaashi. “Also, I know one of you has to be the thinker in this relationship, but …try not to think too much about this. Take it from your senpai: your feelings won’t go away unless you do something about it!” 

And she exited the room, leaving Akaashi standing alone by the counter with a barely touched cup of coffee. 

She told him not to overthink, and Akaashi tried to take her advice. 

But it was so hard not to, no matter how much he tried to reassure or distract himself, his mind wouldn’t let go of the last words of Yukie’s speech. 

_ Your feelings won’t go away unless you do something about it. _

Groaning, he put his head in his hands and ruffled his hair.  _ Stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking—Bokuto-san always tells me to stop thinking too much too, but it feels different when he says it. It’s like he can read my mind and he wants me to stop, but he gets it too. He  _ **_understands_ ** _.  _

_ Bokuto-san understands. _

_ Bokuto-san. _

If anyone had entered the kitchen at that moment, they would have seen a completely still Akaashi Keiji, sitting and staring at the counter with nothing but a mug cradled within his palms. He would have seemed calm, composed, deep in thought about some intellectual complexity. Perhaps they would even compare his aura to when he was on the court: focused, rational, perfectly in control.

But this moment was  _ nothing _ like any of that. 

Internally, Akaashi was a mess, fighting feelings with logic and a swarm of thoughts buzzing in his head. One half of him attempted to murder any flicker of hope he could find, while the other half murmured  _ what ifs _ that grew louder with every untouched second.

And at the forefront of it all, a few simple words that shocked his whole being whenever they explicitly crossed his mind— _ Confession. Happiness. Regret. Love. _

_ Bokuto Koutarou. _

What was he to do? Akaashi flicked through open tabs in his mind, weighing consequences with rewards, comparing advantages and disadvantages.  _ This isn’t new,  _ he absentmindedly thought before the remark was drowned out by everything else,  _ I spent years taking note of Bokuto-san weaknesses and possible ways to combat them. _

And then suddenly, right when the hard porcelain was about to crack under his clenching fingers, Akaashi felt a burst of light.

He saw it play before him, the moment when he first saw Bokuto on TV, shining like the  _ star _ he was, and the instant pull Akaashi felt to that boy.

Volleyball. That was how they met and how they bonded. Volleyball, a sport they both loved and spent insane, sometimes endless, exhausting hours training for, was the catalyst in their relationship. Their  _ foundation _ . 

And although Akaashi’s intense volleyball days were behind him now, he would always remain a setter at heart. Bokuto’s setter. 

The  _ ace’s _ setter. 

How was a setter to clear a path for the ace, breaking through nasty blocks and receives, when he couldn’t take a risk? 

Two scenarios played in his head. One of them was Bokuto’s last high school match, the moment Akaashi sent a set to him only to have it completely slammed down by the enemy. On the other school’s match point. 

The other was one of his first practice matches, when he wasn’t as close to Bokuto yet, and he hesitated for a second. He hesitated, seeing three blockers prepared to corner that shining, gleaming #4, and sent the ball in the opposite direction. 

They’d lost that time too. Nekoma had received it, set it, and spiked the ball right into their court with unequivocal ease.

Now, looking back at the memories, Akaashi dared to consider. Both times they lost, but which decision did he regret more, the choice where he chose to trust his ace, or the one where he hesitated to do anything—where he chose to  _ not _ open his heart? 

_ “Unless you do something about it.” _

The answer was obvious: the latter left a bitter taste in his mouth at the thought of not trusting Bokuto. 

Bokuto was always striving to be the best ace, the best captain for their team. Who was Akaashi to not do the same and try to be the best setter, the best  _ person _ he could be, for Bokuto? 

_ Bokuto-san understands. _

With that, he set his empty mug down and stood up. He had his decision. He was going to confess.

***

Bokuto was ushering everyone else out the door and waving goodbye when Akaashi reentered the living room. He caught Konoha and Yukie’s gazes as Bokuto tried to shut the door on them. They smiled at him in encouragement (Konoha winking suggestively, but Akaashi didn’t mind much anymore) and he nodded in response. Filled with a newfound determination, he silently conveyed a  _ thank you  _ to his former manager. 

At last, Bokuto had succeeded in shooing the rest of them out and he leaned against the door. He cocked his head to one side, hair flopping into his eyes in its unkempt state, and turned to Akaashi. 

“Wanna hang out, Keiji?” Bokuto said, hesitant as if he were scared Akaashi would reject his invitation and get as far away as possible. 

Akaashi said nothing, he merely turned around and headed back to the bedroom. Hearing Bokuto’s excited whoop and quick footsteps behind him, his heart started to pound. 

And pound.

And pound. 

His heart raced as if he had just run a 10 kilometer marathon, and his stomach felt sick, and not because he’d had a coffee on an empty stomach. 

_ Oh god, I’m really doing this. _

To try and prolong his confession (that he was  _ going _ to do  _ today _ ,  _ goddamn _ it), Akaashi started tidying up the room as Bokuto came in.

He folded up his unused blanket, placing it beside the closet. He rolled up his futon, tying it tighter than he meant to as he felt Bokuto’s eyes watching him from the doorway. He thought he heard a voice saying something that vaguely resembled his name, but everything except the task he was focusing on was white noise at this point.

He moved to the floor, picking up empty cups and takeout containers and tossing it in the trash bin with more force than he needed. Akaashi still heard nothing from Bokuto, who had moved to lay down on Akaashi’s side of the unmade bed.

Then he moved to the closet, taking out the dirty laundry Bokuto had stashed in there before the sleepover. He smoothed them down, folded them, clicked his tongue at the mess, and organized the tidal wave of a wardrobe back to pristine condition in record time. All the while he heard a faint snicker directed at him, but nothing else. 

Finally, he moved to the bed where Bokuto lay watching him with a small smile. He didn’t trust himself to speak for fear that his voice would crack, or he’d burst into tears, or he’d end up vomiting all over the floor, so he wordlessly motioned for Bokuto to move over.

When he did, Akaashi began to tidy up his side, walking over to the foot of the bed to pull up the discarded covers, when he heard a  _ tsk _ and felt a hand wrap around his wrist.

And  _ pull _ .

_ Thud!  _ Akaashi’s world tilted as he landed with his back on the soft sheets, breath shooting out of him and blood pumping in rapid succession. He turned to give Bokuto a dirty look when the other boy spoke. 

“Keijiiii, didn’t you hear me calling you?” Bokuto whined, pouting. Ah, so that’s what Akaashi’s brain had been shutting out for the past few minutes. “Hey, I’m worried about you.” 

Akaashi tried his best not to let his voice quiver. “How come, Koutarou-san?” 

“You just seemed distracted all day! And you suddenly left the room earlier and I thought you got too uncomfortable with Konoha and the others’ jokes! And I wanted to check if you were okay but Yukie told me not to, so she went instead and said you were alright, but I was still really worried,” Bokuto rambled, putting his huge dejected puppy eyes on full blast at Akaashi’s already fragile emotional state. 

Akaashi had to interrupt him. “I’m fine, K-Koutarou-san, I wasn’t uncomfortable,” he said, voice slightly smaller than usual. 

Bokuto glowed brighter for a second, and Akaashi wanted to look away. But he couldn’t, his gaze was transfixed onto Bokuto’s shining, golden eyes that seemed to radiate sunlight, and he couldn’t tear his own eyes away.

“That’s good, but if you ever feel uncomfortable with anything I do or say or even if it isn’t me who says it…..” Bokuto trailed off in a whisper. His gaze seemed to be fixated on Akaashi too.

“Y-you could never make me uncomfortable.” Akaashi mumbled. His cheeks blazed hotter with every passing second that he and Bokuto stared at each other, but he couldn’t stop. 

“Th-then can I—“ Bokuto moved closer and pushed himself up, resting one of his arms beside Akaashi’s head. 

He felt his heart stop and his eyes widen at the sight of Bokuto’s face directly above his, eyes smoldering and lips slightly parted. Akaashi felt hot breath ghost over his lips, saw Bokuto shift his gaze downwards for a quarter of a second, and his entire being sunk into panic.

“Wait—! B-Bokuto-san—” he stammered as his mind tried to catch up.

Then he felt the warm presence disappear as Bokuto immediately backed away, removing his arm and laying back down on the bed.

_ Wait no, that doesn’t feel right,  _ half of Akaashi’s brain protested while the other half screamed at him that  _ this is your chance!!! Stop being a fucking coward!! _

_ Fuck it. _

“N-no, wait—“ Heavily breathing, Akaashi pushed himself up on all fours and looked Bokuto in the eye. 

“I—“ he froze. He opened his mouth to speak but the words wouldn’t come out. Suddenly, he saw Bokuto’s eyes grow bigger and two wet splotches appear on his cheeks. 

Then Bokuto reached up and cupped Akaashi’s jaw, sliding his thumb under his eye, and Akaashi realized the tears were coming from him. 

His chest was tightening to the point that it hurt. He could feel tears welling up then freely falling onto Bokuto’s face below; one on his forehead, one on each cheek, one on his bottom lip that Bokuto’s tongue swiftly licked away. 

His lungs were about to burst as he tried to speak again, when Bokuto whispered. 

“I love you, Keiji.” 

For what felt like eternity, everything went still. Akaashi stopped breathing, stopped moving, and he was sure his heart had stopped too. 

Then Bokuto’s words sunk in, and he felt a tiny flame ignite from within, growing larger and blazing hotter every passing second. 

And all of a sudden, he was engulfed by the heat— _ drowning _ in it—because his lips were pressed against Bokuto’s, and Bokuto was kissing him back with the same amount of passion and fervor. 

The world around them disappeared, melting into a blazing inferno as Bokuto cradled the back of Akaashi’s neck and pulled him closer. One of Akaashi’s hands that held him up slid to Bokuto’s hair, entangling his fingers in the soft locks while their lips slid together.

Just like that, those four years of pining, desperation, and hoping were all worth it, because it was undeniable at this point—he was in love with Bokuto Koutarou. And Bokuto Koutarou loved him back.  Akaashi moved his other hand to cup Bokuto’s face just to make sure he was real, that  _ this _ was real. 

He felt warm lips curl into a smile underneath his own before he pulled away for air, gasping and panting. They lay there, breathing heavily, not saying a word, unable to look away from each other, when Akaashi broke the silence with a laugh that bubbled out of his chest.

He laughed, eyes crinkling and absolutely radiating with happiness. And Bokuto laughed along with him. He laughed that bright, joyful, golden laugh that warmed Akaashi’s heart every time.

When the laughter died down, he put his arms around Akaashi and turned them so they were laying on their sides, never breaking eye contact. They smiled at each other, and Akaashi’s smile was larger than it had ever been in his life, when he said, “I love you too, Koutarou-san.” 

Bokuto positively  _ beamed _ , and it struck Akaashi like a ray of sunlight to the chest, except this time, the feeling was welcome. He didn’t need to hide, or deny, or desperately lock up his feelings anymore because  _ Bokuto loved him back _ . 

Then Bokuto inched closer, glancing down at Akaashi’s lips and back up to his sparkling eyes. “Then…can I kiss you again?” he whispered against his lips. 

For the second time that day, Akaashi answered him wordlessly. He closed the gap, once again pressing his lips to Bokuto’s, but this kiss felt completely different from their first. This felt like less of a burning flame and more of a steady warmth coursing through his veins. It was softer, less heat and intensity, but with all the passion of four years of unresolved tension that had finally snapped.

The kiss wasn’t perfect, of course—teeth clashing and noses bumping more than once from the inexperience. But when Akaashi felt Bokuto’s hands come up to caress his cheeks and a warm tongue press against his own, his entire being burst into flame once again. He kissed Bokuto like his life depended on it, pouring all his repressed emotions and desires into that action. 

When they pulled away, hands still cradling each other’s faces and forehead pressed against the other’s, Bokuto smiled. It was soft, quiet—akin to that side of him that only Akaashi could see—but full of love nonetheless.

And when Akaashi returned the expression with a smile of his own, it was bright, hopeful, and  _ blinding _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I made a playlist for this fic way back and it inspired a lot of the symbolism and sequence of events. Rereading the whole thing with that playing in the background just HIT me different and I got even more emotional if that’s possible. 
> 
> [The playlist!!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/08bFnVCaTiPk8KZSxrLXrW?si=lAjJnJADS1uwzz4YZ5jRcg)
> 
> I also wrote an analysis of the songs in line with the fic, since the playlist itself was curated with the utmost care *chefs kiss* and shows Bo and Akaashi’s emotional development.
> 
> [Read it here if you'd like!](https://kuroken-lovechild.tumblr.com/post/619109325000065024/a-star-x-tiny-light-pt-1)
> 
> Anywayssss thank u for reading this far, I sincerely hoped it brought u happiness or made u feel something in some way :) this whole thing was so incredibly fun and just a rollercoaster to write, so thank you for all the kudos, comments etc that just made everything so much easier! <3


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